Have you ever seen (or been) one of those parents that is constantly berating their toddler-age child for not instantly and innately knowing the exact right thing to do in any social situation?
“No – don’t stand there, stand there, and don’t give me that, and make sure you say exactly what you want to the man when he asks you – NO I’M SO SORRY SIR MY CHILD IS A BIT SLOW, and DON’T look at him like that or I’ll smack you!”
It’s not really the best way for a child to learn when he’s doing a good job – and develop confidence in such – and when he actually does need to correct himself.
L. Ron Hubbard said the following on the matter:
“The worst crime most Scientology parents commit is demanding the child be far better and brighter than he or she can manage at once. This has the effect of making the child feel that he can’t really do anything to please his parents and that he is thus failing them.
“The right thing to do is to acknowledge what the CHILD thinks he can do or is all right. Otherwise you are evaluating for the preclear and that’s a Code break*. A child seeking the approval of his parents is always inventing new tricks to attract attention. This means the child is already feeling neglected without reason, but is not in itself any bad sign. Acknowledge the tricks and spend more time with the child.”
L. RON HUBBARD
excerpted from Ability Magazine Issue 110
TECHNIQUES OF CHILD PROCESSING Tech Vol V, page 255
* “Code Break” – refers here to The Auditor’s Code - the code that governs the discipline of Scientology counseling. See this page & video for more info.
I know that personally, as a parent, this is something that I’ve almost innately tried to focus on – but like everything else in parenting, you sometimes fumble and miss a few times on this before you see your folly.
But what is it that they think is a big deal? Maybe it’s the fact that they didn’t wet their pants like they always do, or maybe it’s that the scribble they made on the paper looks a bit more like a rainbow than random scribbles. Acknowledging all of the little things that they can see that they did right or that they’re trying to do always has seemed to produce more originated action & interest – at least with my own kids.
What’s been your experience with this?